During my trip, I again saw the gut-wrenching sadness of human trafficking up close, but also got an amazing glimpse of hope as I 1.) got closer to the work of my brave colleagues  who devote their lives to making freedom possible and 2.) met amazing people from organizations that are working to provide a safe, happy future for former victims.

I also had the opportunity to spend time on the set of a really well-done movie called Trade of Innocents (which will likely come out this winter) about human trafficking starring Dermot Mulroney, Academy Award Winning Actress Mira Sorvino, Trieu Tran, John Billingsley and other great actors.  Being on set was cool—I have a new appreciation for how complex it is to make a movie—there are so many moving parts. I also have a new appreciation for actors—it was amazing to see how (seemingly) easy it is for them step in and out of character on set—they are truly gifted. All of the actors and people involved with the film were friendly and talented.  But my favorite memories include the time I spent with executive producers and their friends/family (who were so generous and treated me like family), as well as my meeting with Dermot Mulroney—I really appreciated how approachable, down to earth and cool he was—and he also gets points for buying me a latte since I didn’t have my wallet.  I unexpectedly got to be an extra in the movie, so I was bragging about how cool I was until the Director reminded me “you didn’t make it until final cut yet.” Fair LOL.  I’ll let you all know soon if I’m in it —but either way, you should put this movie on your “must see” list when it comes out. 

Since returning from Southeast Asia, my workload has been pretty hectic. As a result, I decided to step out of a work trip to Africa which was scheduled for this week—super bummed about that. God continues to break my heart for Africa, and I need to get visit our field offices, so I’m really hoping I can still make it work somehow in 2011.

Although work is hectic (in a good way), I’ve been trying to live a “balanced” and normal life….back to my routines, etc.  So in some ways, I don’t have anything exciting to share. Outside of work, here are the most “exciting” things I’ve been thinking about these days:

• Why is it that I’ll do just about anything to avoid going to the grocery store?
• How does Invisalign actually work (now that I have it for the next few months)?
• The frozen yogurt is “fat free”, but am I being deceived into thinking it’s healthy for me?
• How does GE not lose money if their energy efficient light bulbs are ~$14 and last 5 years in comparison with a 4-pack that is $4 and each lasts a few months? The math isn’t working for me. But then again, I’ve never been very good at math. Where are Ipek, Greg and Erik when I need them?
• How many times can I get to Charleston to see my nephews this summer?
• When is my sister Kim going to move back to the east coast?
• Why do guys only seem to express interest when I’m “all gross” from my workout?
• When are they going to invent a device that can “beam” someone to a location instantly so they don’t have to take an airplane?  
• Why is it so humid in D.C. and why—with all the technology in the world—haven’t they invented hairspray that protects my locks from frizzing out?

Although my life has been pretty “normal”, there have been lots of reasons to smile lately. Here are the top 10:

10. My new Windows Phone 7 is on the way—wohoo!

9.    I managed to visit Cambodia without seeing a Tarantula or bringing one home in my suitcase

8.   My mom is about to take a trip with her husband that she’s always wanted to take

7.   My friend Alex from work just got married—she is so happy!

6.   My friends Austin and Theresa got engaged and are getting married in Seattle in July!

5.    I’ve made quite a few new friends recently

4.    One very important thing hasn’t changed in my life.

3.   My friends Eric and Marisa had an adorable baby boy named Kiah!

2.   My childhood friend Melanie—who was adopted—was reunited with her birth parents after 35 years!

1.   On  a scale of 1 to 10—10 being best—this blog entry is only a 3AT BEST, but you read it all the way through anyway

Happy June, my friends! And don’t forget to wear sunscreen.  

P.S. Clint and Mary you need to take me on the boat when I come to Seattle—pretty please?  PS bring the good chips! J

1. Don’t touch my laptop or phone after 7pm
2. Eat seafood every day
3. Try online dating
4. Eat vegetarian
5. Try cutting sugar and dairy out of my diet

#1 is just ridiculous. In the world of text messaging, Twitter, Facebook, work email, hotmail blabla…there is no way I could separate from my communication devices from 7pm-6am. I’ll admit that revelation is a tad bit sad, so I look forward to trying that another week after I get a life. The others sounded interesting too, but “online dating” stuck out like the best option because my sister and friends have been actively encouraging me to do it for a while. I’ve been dragging my feet for a long time, claiming “that just isn’t how it’s done”, but I’ve been running out of excuses. For example, I told my friend that I don’t want to go join forced dating clubs, be “set up” or go to bars to meet guys—I just want God to (if I’m supposed to be dating at all) just come up with a way for guys to show up at my front door for me to meet. My friend quickly pointed out that He did in fact do that—online dating allows me to sit in the privacy of my home in my yoga pants, while browsing all of the bachelors that show up in my inbox. I still had no interest in it because the idea of online dating creeps me out, but I decided that THIS would be the perfect thing (that I really don’t want to do) to try for one week and one week only.

One word to sum up the experience: FASCINATING. I laughed so much in the last week—there are some real characters out there, and it is really interesting to see how people present themselves and engage with each other. For anyone interested in trying online dating (or anyone who enjoys a good laugh), here is what I learned during the short time period when I tested it out:

THE FORUM MATTERS: I signed up for both Christian Café and E-Harmony. I chose CC because it was for Christians and EH because of all of those commercials about “matched on 70 aspects of compatibility blabla”. EH’s “free” offer didn’t really feel useful because of limitations, so I felt obligated to “upgrade” for $135 to the 3-month package. That sort of annoyed me but I was thinking it would be funny to someday put my arm around my husband and tell my friends “being introduced to him = best 135 bucks I’ve ever spent”. EH does do an analysis based on personality types, but my perception was is that it is all at the surface level, so I didn’t like it. Also, you can’t search for people—you only can see who they decide you are a match with. I may also be a little bitter because for the first 24 hours, the system kept saying “we are unable to find a match for you—keep checking back”. I kept thinking oh thanks—I paid 135 bucks to be told I’m unmatchable. Sweet. I am not trying to knock EH’s model—a lot of people seem to like it and thousands have gotten married. It just wasn’t for me. I liked CC much better because they ask important open-ended questions, so it offers opportunity to find out a lot about someone before any conversation starts. Also, on CC the guys seem to better understand the “I’m not going to initiate e-mail with you because I’m the girl. If you are interested, pursue me” concept. So, I think anyone “going online” should first do their homework to find the platform they are most comfortable with.

HELLO PEOPLE—PAY ATTENTION!!!: Christian Café has a feature where you can send someone a “wink”.  At the very bottom of my profile, I explicitly said “I believe a woman should be pursued, so please send me a message if you want to talk. I don’t respond to winks”.  I am blown away by how many people STILL sent me winks. Translation=they didn’t read my profile. Conclusion=they aren’t really interested in getting to know me. DELETE.

Also, I made my age range clear—30-40. You see, my “Tom Cruise” (don’t over-think the use of that particular celebs name—that is just how I refer to my dream guy, love of my life, etc) is within that range, so that is the only acceptable range for me. But I received many emails from men in their late 40s, 50s and even 60s who disregarded my wishes. What’s up with that? DELETE.

CHARACTER IS EASY TO SPOT: Sure, people can lie in their profiles, but for the most part it is easy to tell (by how someone answers their profile) where they are in life, what they stand for and how they would really treat you. I find that if you read slowly, most profiles will in fact stand out (in a good way or a bad way). One guy said in his profile that he wants a woman who cooks, dresses nice and has “some sort of relationship with God”. That made it easy to discern that he was not a match for me or any of the lovely ladies who travel in the Lucia circle—it’s all about Jesus—and first (but I know you’re all nodding thinking “we know Amy—you remind us in every blog” so I’ll leave it at that ) One of my favorites (in a bad way) was the guy that used the word “I” in almost every sentence of his profile and said that he really didn’t want an ambitious woman because there is only room for one ambitious person. That same person then repeatedly sent me messages trying to get my attention. He finally wrote me and said “So? Can we chat? I have all day but I don’t have all month.” DELETE.

COMPETITIVE ANALYSIS?  By day 3, I adopted the theory that in “business” I would do a competitive analysis, so why not here? I’m relatively confident that this doesn’t actually apply in the dating world (and is likely quite inappropriate)—but I desperately am looking for a way to justify the fact that I succumbed to the temptation to see what fascinating women in my age range were also trying their hand at online dating. The result? First, lots of lovely ladies of character are looking for love. So I prayed for all of them that day. Second, they can see who views their profile (oops!) so I probably should not do that again.

DON’T BE WHACKY:  Funny that I wrote that header just after my comment above. Anyway, I logged in on Wednesday to see subject line “I love you” from a new café member.  I laughed out loud, realizing that this would definitely be an entertaining email. The body of the email included a paragraph with all reasons why he loved me “I love your profile, I love your picture, I love your character, I love…..” Imagine 10 sentences about his love for me. I laughed so hard. Does that actually work for him? Maybe it will someday—like my dad says “there is a lid for every pot.” DELETE.

CONSULT OTHERS: I consulted a single guy friend I’ve known for many years to ensure I was accurately representing my personality and physical traits. That conversation made me laugh:

• Me: Which drop-down do you think accurately describes my body type? I know I’m not toned/athletic, but am I slender or average? What is average? (here comes “work mode”) This thing needs a “key” so everyone can be reviewing these profiles with consistency against a more objective set of criteria. And they don’t have a drop-down for “A-Lo”.
• Friend: No way am I going there! Figure it out yourself.

DON’T BE CHEESY: “I hope this day is as beautiful as you are <EOM>.” Really? DELETE. And pick a neutral profile name. You might actually be a great guy, but calling yourself “BIGDADDYxxx” might not be the best way to get someone to click.

DC—SERIOUSLY?: Everywhere I go in DC, people are talking about politics—is it really necessary that “political views” is the first question asked in DC online dating too? Apparently so.

FALSE ADVERTISING=NO BUENO: Conversation with my brother-in-law after he read my profile:

• Jeff: “You look really pale too. You look like you have a vitamin D deficiency from living in Seattle for 10 years. Get a tan.”
• Me: “But I DO still have a vitamin D deficiency from SEA. LOL. And it’s winter in DC. I don’t see a beach anywhere around me. What do you suggest I do?”

Well…it turns out there was something to Jeff’s (at the time seemingly superficial) perspective. In speaking  with numerous people this week (at work, friends, etc) about their online dating experiences, many had stories of meeting someone in person who looked nothing like their profile picture (not to say looks are the only thing that matters, but when it comes to anything involving deception, I think most people are opposed). And it appears that the WOMEN are the worst offenders. I just don’t understand what the motivation is—why would you want to be dishonest? Why would you want to false advertise? I gave up on that idea 14 years ago when I threw out the wonderbra. My theory=just be you and let the chips fall where they may.  

So why did I call my blog “love in cyberspace” if I’m poking fun at the experience? Because 1.) it’s Valentines’ Day Weekend and it seemed like a suitable title and 2.) because there actually are a lot of high-quality people that are searching online. Match.com says that 1 in 5 relationships today start online which I find fascinating—I can see why it is a good method in today’s society. Almost every person I surveyed this week knows someone who knows someone who met their spouse online. And I really respect the people that are brave enough to do it. It’s just more fun to talk about the things I found silly about the experience because after all, this is my blog. But the data shows that love definitely IS in the air right now for someone out there as a result of their online experience, and I think that’s totally cool. As for me, my 7 days are almost up, so I’ll be signing off soon, while remaining hopeful about the idea of “my Tom Cruise” in His perfect timing.

Another example—my walls and my carpet. Yes you read that correctly. You really don’t know how much you take those things for granted until a pipe between the walls of your condo bursts; causing water and mold damage that will eject you from your home until walls can be reconstructed and floors dried out.

So today, while journaling during my weekend ritual at a table for one, I started contemplating if I’m taking things in my life for granted. What came to mind is that I’ve been so busy focusing on the things that I DON’T HAVE (like a husband, warm weather, a ton of new friends in DC) that I’m overlooking important aspects of my life. Here is just a handful since my last blog that I almost missed:

• SURPRISE: Although I’ve been dealing with the headache of water damage, I got to meet (and spend quality time with) my neighbors. It turns out that when it rains, it does in fact pour—but I almost overlooked the fact that this time, it was pouring new friends.
• DREAM COME TRUE: Amidst the hectic nature of my work, I almost overlooked the fact that I always wanted to use my skills to help others. And I always wanted to work on a global brand, see relationship marketing actually work, experience “Hollywood”, work with musicians and other things that marketers dream about. I now have ALL those opportunities in my job, which is AWESOME.
• SMALL THINGS: There have been many small gifts that make me smile. For example, one of my favorite songs recently blared through the restaurant speakers right at the moment when I needed encouragement. “….you can run, you can hide, but you can’t escape my love” –Enrique Iglesias
• RIDICULOUS “COINCIDENCE”: Deep in my heart, I wanted to find a church like Mars Hill in Seattle—an Acts 29 church. I also secretly wished it would be walking distance from my house. Recently, out of the blue, an acts 29 plant popped up 2 blocks from my house. The teaching is amazing and for the first time in over a year, I feel like I have a church home. I almost overlooked how precisely the desires of my heart were fulfilled in this situation.
• LAUGHS: I just realized that I laugh EVERY DAY. That wasn’t always the case.
• TRUE LOVE: I’m reminded that I might not have a husband right now, but I have experienced being “in love” once–and that person loved me unconditionally. That was a privilege that shouldn’t go overlooked.
• MORE LOVE: My friends in Seattle still love me so much that they went out of their way on New Year’s Eve (my 34th b-day) to show it.
• BORING LOVE: After New Years, my friend Marisa went to the trouble of driving to the post office to pack and ship a box containing a single sock, my left sneaker and my new Uggs because I apparently forgot how to pack a suitcase. I hope none of us overlook the kind of love that goes out of its way to do the boring things for us.
• SOLIDARITY: My sisters and I “do life” together so naturally and expectedly, that I almost overlooked the fact that our solidarity was used in the last 30 days to bring a family one step closer to healing. They are my heroes.
• BLESSINGS: I’ve seen the prayers of many around me answered—in particular, I am overwhelmed to tears thinking about the fact that my friend Terri is now engaged. She always trusted God with her singleness (although it was painful season for her). God’s timing is perfect and my friend is in love. What a joy! And apparently two more of my ex boyfriends recently got married—good for them (LOL I know what you are thinking). Seriously, I’m happy for them
• ABUNDANT JOY: On January 16, I prayed that God would “fill me up” with the Holy Spirit. You see, I have this amazing boss at work and whenever I ask him how he’s doing, he says “great” and means it. It isn’t because his life is perfect—but he does seem experience Godly joy because he tries to walk every day in faith with Christ. So I wondered “what would my life look like if I was not ‘ok’ or ‘good’ but always authentically ‘great’ regardless of circumstance?” (in continuing with the music theme, insert Switchfoot “More Than Fine” here) I asked God to remind me what Godly joy looks like, and He delivered. There are many things that aren’t going my way in my life right now, but somehow, amidst all of it, my heart continues to overflow with joy. In the moments when I feel lonely or sad or indifferent, there God is, giving me an indescribable joy for no apparent reason. It is hard to contain or explain. But I’ll ask Uncle Kracker to help me explain it—read the lyrics I pasted below—they are a near perfect articulation of my heart state right now. God is good and it is well with my soul.
• DIVINE LOVE: On a related note, I asked God if He would help me love Him more—not just intellectually but emotionally in the way that I love my family, the people my colleagues rescue from violence and other special people in my life. And it’s happening. I can’t explain it—it just is. You might think I’m crazy, but it’s true. “..There’s a new wind blowing like I’ve never known, I’m breathing deeper than I’ve ever done…and it sure feels good to finally feel the way I do….I want to love somebody, love somebody like you..” –Keith Urban.

So there it is. I’m literally head over heels because I’m still dizzy from my fall. And revelations like the above make me head over heels with my life—not because it is perfect–but because I truly am blessed when I put things in perspective (something a good friend always reminds me to do) and because I’ve been given a glimpse of what being content and joyful in all circumstances could actually look like. I’m excited to pursue that.

Uncle Kracker “Smile”

*As always, the ideas expressed here are my own and are not intended to represent or reflect the opinions of my employer. Thanks for reading.

Laugh a Little or Go Crazy

I haven’t injected much humor into my blogs lately, so I’m tempted to spend an entire blog telling stories of all the silly and bizarre experiences: about my adventures (despite being “plain Jane” in the eating department) in trying local food everywhere I went….about how counting down to a big cheeseburger “when I get home” got me through the tough days…about how I was the only one putting on bug spray each day, but ironically was also the only one who got an insane amount of mosquito bites…about how yours truly—a “spider phobic” woman—got bit by a mysterious critter with fangs while sleeping one night…about the many laughs with my colleague during 19 hours of flying in each direction; including the steady stream of foreign passengers who approached us to request assistance in filling out their paperwork (must have been our innocent faces)…about how I worked hard to (only somewhat successfully) surrender my somewhat “germaphobic” tendencies while on the trip—and how our photographer (who has visited some of the roughest places in the world) must have thought I was crazy after I showed up at his door with “an extra pack of Clorox wipes in case you need them!”….about my shock and disgust when the floor of one airplane looked like the ground after a baseball game…about my “too close for comfort” moment with another airline passenger….about how I learned TOO LATE that in certain cultures calling a baby “cute” is believed to put a curse on them…and how surprised I was that a woman in the airport just handed me her baby without asking or sizing me up in any way…about the dirty hotel room, two sets of dirty sheets and the sleepless night that followed that…about the late night cab ride that made me think of the movie “The Bone Collector”….about the Halloween dinner at a restaurant with local waiters dressed up as Dracula while a local band played Shaggy and other American songs underneath a strobe light…about the about the Ayurvedic massage that I’m now renaming “inhibition therapy”…about letting down my guard long enough to try a “fish pedicure” where about 300 fish eat the dead skin off your feet (my feet weren’t a bit smoother after by the way). I want to tell you all about those things and more, but I don’t have the time to tell you those stories because I have more important things to share.

Unfortunately I’m still processing this, so I can’t wrap this up in a bow at the end of the blog. I’m just going to tell you what I saw and felt.

Poverty up Close

I saw a kind of poverty that I’ve only read about and seen glimpses of from the Hollywood lens. But let me assure you that nothing prepares you for seeing it up close. I saw slums that make the poorest parts of America pale in comparison. I didn’t take any pictures of the slums, but here is a picture of a home in a poor neighborhood—right before I took this, a rat the size of a cat walked right through the cloth doorway.

I saw people living on the street. I saw stray dogs everywhere and a random ox or cow walk down the street relatively frequently.

A few times someone came up and gently tapped on the glass of our car window, begging. One woman just said “help me” over and over—that was the most disturbing. The woman pictured below was asking for milk for her son. There is a chance that it was a scam (buy the milk, she returns it and splits proceeds with the store owner) however I avoided the instinct to be annoyed by this because she is poor and this is likely her means of surviving (we gave her food).

I saw this little boy (pictured below) on the side of the road washing dishes in dirty water next to a street vendor and learned that many boys do this job from about 6AM until 9 or 10PM at night in exchange for food and small wages to take home to their families.

Heartbreak

Venturing into red light districts was almost paralyzing–on one street I peered into the eyes of almost 500 seemingly young women lined up on the streets with their pimps. It is believed by many that some prostitutes are there because they feel that is the only way they can provide for their families. Some are there because they are forced to be there. And hidden inside some of the brothels are little girls who are being forced to service customers up to 20 times a day. Some of them got there because they were tricked, some were sold by their families or “husbands” and some ended up there for other reasons. I learned that safe sex is often the choice of the customer, so pregnancy, HIV and other illnesses sadly are not uncommon. While I was sad and a bit shocked (no words on paper can fully explain what I saw) I didn’t feel scared as I went through those areas (although I likely should have been), but I did notice that my leg was involuntarily shaking and I could barely breathe as I looked into some seemingly “dead” eyes; pondering the question “could this have been me if I was born here?” That was the first time on the trip I understood what it feels like to have your heart broken for what breaks His. I silently prayed for everyone trapped in those places and also prayed a word of thanks that I’ve been spared from such suffering.

Light

On the flip side, I got to meet young women and girls (ages ~13-18) who had been rescued from those dark places and was overwhelmed by God’s presence in those moments. The girls seemed to have a kind of joy that only could come from the Lord. As I looked at these tiny, beautiful girls I almost lost it as the thought of the horror they had suffered raced through my mind (second time my heart broke). But I managed to swallow my tears and smile as two of them grabbed my hands to lead me to breakfast. I have never received so many hugs and smiles from “strangers” and was overwhelmed by the unconditional love that they (who had suffered so much) were offering to ME—I can only hope and pray that the silly conversations, games and hugs I gave THEM in return warmed their hearts the way they warmed mine. As I said my final goodbyes to the girls, one that had shared her story with us turned to me and said “God bless you” and asked me to be praying for her. I gave her another hug, told her that she can count on it and reminded her again how brave I thought she was.

There were many other moments of great joy during the trip, including our visit to morning mass at the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta. And it was great to finally see photographer Sean Sheridan in action—he has gone to some dangerous places throughout his career to document stories of people who suffer greatly so people like us will be better informed.

Darkness

As if what I’ve already shared wasn’t disturbing enough, by far the most unsettling aspect of the trip was the spiritual oppression I felt in one particular place we visited. No drama—I could literally feel a sense of evil when I arrived and conversely felt the darkness lift as my plane ascended into the air to leave. It’s not really something you can put words to but I know this feeling from a few times before in my life—constant pressure on my chest, an instinctual shift to shallow breathing as if to “avoid taking it in” and an “odor” so unusual (distinctly different from local scents), indescribable and dark that it simply shocks your senses. Sure enough, I quickly learned why…I learned that where I visited, human sacrifice still exists and dark worship is quite common. It was like a palpable shadow of darkness was over that entire place—I wondered if people who have lived their entire lives in that community even notice it. I was later told about one temple where human sacrifice takes place that has a constant stream of black crows circling its roof—I’m glad I had no desire to go see it when I was there. I was also told by a local that many girls in that location that are “sold” into prostitution are “married” to “gods” of darkness before being placed in the brothels—which must be terrifying for them both short and long-term. Suddenly (while still incredibly tragic) it didn’t seem as unfathomable that there are so many horrible things going on in this community.

Acknowledging the Contrast, Counting Blessings and Everything In Between

In spite of all of the darkness I felt, I always felt safe and God showed up in amazing ways throughout the trip.

A random thought, but…..I am relatively confident that any American atheist would be convinced that good and evil do exist if he or she was with me on this trip. And then perhaps he or she would realize that believing in good and evil is actually a kind of faith—so perhaps they would feel compelled to explore the truth and live in the light.

Like I said, I’m still processing. And I have many more questions now than when I left on my trip. But I do know this—I am blessed to have the opportunity live where I live. And after seeing and feeling such evil and darkness up close, I am incredibly grateful to God for all that is good in this world.

What’s Next

For some, none of this will make sense unless an opportunity to see all of this for themselves presents itself (I highly recommend it by the way). But some friends have already asked me what they can do about the new information they obtained from my stories. So to those friends I say this—the obvious answers work (ex. donate time or service to organizations that are helping to fight oppression), but my strongest conviction after this trip is that the #1 thing people can do is PRAY. Prayers work. Pray that the evil would end, pray for protection of those risking their lives trying to fight it, and pray that the suffering of the innocent at the hands of evildoers would end. And pray in thanks for what you and those you love have been spared. That’s where I plan to start.

I got back on course and managed to pull out about 100 full laps with no further disaster. But as I swam, I began reflecting on the last year of my life; realizing that it was just about one year ago that I left my life in Seattle behind and moved to Washington D.C. Suddenly questions echoed in my mind—questions many have been asking me, such as “how is your new life?” and “was it worth it?” Well…this last year has been the most unbelievable year of my life.  I chose the word “unbelievable” deliberately—it has been both unbelievably difficult and unbelievably life-giving.

Rough Water

My new life definitely threw me some curve balls—a difficult transition (see my other blog entries ) missing my friends and life in Seattle, the sadness of starting a new life alone, and so on. Also, on many occasions I attempted to go my own way—out of selfishness, laziness or exhaustion. Whether that came in the form of abandoning my spiritual disciplines, neglecting friendships, breaking my vow to embrace work-life balance or other unmentionables, that always meant I made some poor choices that provided relief and satisfaction (for about a nanosecond) until I found myself crashing into the wall (i.e. suffering the consequences). But ultimately, God was always faithful when I turned to Him for help (even though “help” didn’t always look the way I had envisioned, but rather what was best for me). One of my favorite stories of God’s faithfulness was immediately following a prayer in an airport where I begged Him to rescue me from something I was going through. A few minutes later, a man sat down next to me on the airplane who “just happened” to have recently left MS because of a calling too, “just happened” to share a story that was precisely what I needed to hear and “just happened” to reach over and pray for me with the sweetest prayer I ever received in my life. (side note: if you are reading this and thinking “boy I wish God showed up so clearly in my life”, the most loving response I can give you is to slow down and open your eyes, dear one. )

Smooth Sailing

On the flip side, some things turned out better than I imagined.  The move to D.C. has provided the opportunity to see my nephews and the rest of my east coast family more often. God blessed me with a place to live that was more beautiful than I thought would be possible. And I’ve met some incredible people that have inspired me. This includes a Christian doctor who is helping me heal physically while challenging me emotionally and spiritually. Others include new role models in the workplace—in the form of amazing women of God—that have helped me throw all of my misconceptions about Godly women in leadership (ex. that you can’t be feminine, strong, nurturing, effective and respected at the same time) out the window. And I’ve met incredible men who have shown me (through how they faithfully serve at work and love their families) what I should be holding out for in my (possibly) future husband. I had the opportunity to go on a wild adventure in an RV during the month of July as part of an IJM awareness campaign. And let me just say something about IJM—it is the most incredible place I could ever dream of working—I still can’t believe a place like this exists on earth, and thank God every day for leading me there. It is a true privilege to serve along such talented, courageous, disciplined and faithful people who are wholeheartedly committed to recuing innocent people from dark, evil places.  

Sweet Lessons

But as I reflect on this last year, I’m most joyful about the things that I learned. At the more superficial level…I can honestly say living on significantly less hasn’t changed my level of happiness at all—I never find myself craving things of material value that I can no longer afford (and I try to always remind myself that I still am blessed with more than most in this world). If anything, I’m sad about how irresponsible I was with my money in the past; as I definitely took my eyes off what was important at times. I’ve also (though admittedly I’ve kicked and screamed the entire way) learned the painful but good lesson that every second I spend focused on what I don’t have (ex. someone to come home to), I’m missing out on opportunities to embrace what God might have for me in my singleness. I’ve discovered the benefits of starting my day off with a deliberate request for wisdom from above (James 3:17). And at work, I’ve recently realized that if I can actually let go of some things I held so closely in previous leadership roles (striving to demonstrate my value, the need to mask weakness/vulnerability, believing I could do it all myself, neglecting prayer in my decision-making), every second I spend in leadership for the rest of my life will bear more fruit (Galatians 5:22-23).  I’m also quickly learning that doing God’s work isn’t always easy or safe—quite frequently, it is the opposite—but it does bring immense joy to the “doer” and the “receiver” (Joshua 1:9).  I’m learning to recount every reason to be thankful each day as there are many in any circumstance. And most importantly, I’m just starting to understand this complex feeling and Christian duty called love—and that there are opportunities every second of the day to neglect it or give it. The irony is that (as pointed out recently by a good friend) when I actually stop focusing on me, I experience more joy.

The Verdict

It turns out that experience in the pool provides a nice metaphor for life. There are beautiful moments where you can swim along with ease. But there are also moments where the water gets rough and you have a choice to make. But it turns out that you don’t only have two choices—to give up because it is too hard or muster the strength to push through. There is a third—to keep your eyes fixed on Him, let go of any misconceptions that you have to do it all alone and of your own strength, ask for His strength…and swim in the current of Christ. I haven’t mastered this concept yet, but I am joyfully pursing what living life in that way looks like.

So the verdict is in—it’s been the best year of my life. Not because it has been easy (it hasn’t). Not because callings always guarantee happiness (they don’t). Not because my life is perfect (it isn’t). But rather, because I’m finally allowing myself to really experience His very present love—where before I thought of it as present but impalpable. Because He has given me a thirst to be more holy. And because He has set my heart on fire with a desire to love like He does. I don’t know exactly what that means for my future, but I do know it’s going to be an extraordinary and life-giving ride.

Rich Figer:

One day last fall, Rich was asked at the last minute to take an unscheduled business trip. While on the airplane, another passenger accidentally hit him over the head while retrieving luggage. What was intended to be a routine trip to the doctor to rule out a concussion turned out to reveal a mass in his brain. After a series of appointments, the worst possible prognosis was confirmed: a brain tumor, very likely malignant. Rich is 35, has a 2.5 year old daughter named Giovanna and a lovely wife named Erin.  I’ve been overwhelmed by his courage and positive attitude in spite of the uncertainty. He has made a decision that he is going to focus on the positive, and has resolved to use his voice and story to help others. His first project involved campaigning for the Prayers from Maria  Foundation, to raise funds for the research of Glioma brain tumors (the most deadly child brain tumors). He organized a group of ~50 people to run the Cleveland  Marathon (watch the video interview of Rich on the news!) and raised $10,000—1/10^th of a full research grant! No one would have blamed Rich for keeping to himself after his diagnosis, but instead he gave generously of himself.

By the way—the Cleveland marathon is over but Rich tells me he is planning for a Half Ironman fundraiser in September—where does he get his energy? Oh yeah—his resolve for helping others and living strong. P.S. You can still donate at any time to Prayers from Maria Foundation.

Rich Figer—a hero because of his courage and because he is using his voice to make a difference for people he doesn’t even know.

Enric Sifa: 

He was four years old in 1994 when the brutal genocide in Rwanda unfolded. Tragically, his father and other family members lost their lives in that conflict. Fearful, he fled to the forest to hide. Hungry and scared, he and his brother later made their way to the Red Cross tent where they found their mother. But soon, they were victims of land-grabbing, so were forced to the streets. In an act of retaliation after Enric’s mother went to the courts to fight for her land, a set of thugs attacked her..and later, she passed away. At 5 years old, Enric was forced to live on the streets. He had seen things no child should ever have to see. He did nothing to deserve this—he was simply a victim of the darkness and evil that infects our broken world. But as he shares in his ~2 minute testimony, he experienced God’s love, healing and provision. He now is a blossoming (and quite talented!) singer and songwriter. He is not a hero to me merely because I am sad about the suffering he has endured in his life. He is a hero because when I met him, I was inspired by the JOY and LIGHT he exudes in spite of it. If you watch his testimony, I guarantee you will be inspired to seek hope in any circumstance, joy through all pain and a kind of faith that is enduring.  

Enric is now in 11^th grade in Portland, Oregon on an academic scholarship and is hoping to save up so he can stay in the US and attend college. If you love music and if his story tugs at your heart, I encourage you to trade in your latte money for the week and buy his CD.  His music is performed from a place of love and faith that will cause your heart to overflow with joy.

Enric Sifa–a hero to me because of his courage and infectiously bold faith.

Greg Urquhart & the Karisimbi Business Partners Families:

Imagine if God asked you RIGHT NOW to resign from your prestigious job at a fortune 500 company and move to a developing country with your spouse and three young children. Would you do it? Imagine being tempted with VP-level opportunities within days of making your decision to resign, but declining in faith because you knew God was calling you to leave. Imaging selling your house at a loss and moving to a place that, while poor, is ironically ~3X the cost of living as in the US. Imagine living among the poor, not being able to speak the language and knowing only the other 2 courageous families that decided to join you on your new adventure. Imagine working every day practically for free with one goal in mind: to use your skills to help end poverty in Rwanda. Imagine not knowing how you are going to make ends meet unless God moves and others decide to generously step up and enable your work to continue. Imagine that dangerous encounters and mysterious illnesses are the norm. Would you go? My good friend Greg Urquhart did just that—and he is much too humble to tell you his complete story, which is why I’m telling you now. He and all three families involved in the Karisimbi Business Partners venture are modern-day heroes because they died to themselves to serve others. It has been challenging for them during their first ~8 months in Africa, but they continue to be great examples of the kind of selflessness, generosity and faith that God calls us to.  

If you have a heart for Africa, or if you just admire what these three families have sacrificed to help those in need, I encourage you to pray for them and follow their journey. Also, consider spending one date night or family dinner at home this month, and instead support the families of Karisimbi Business Partners with a small donation, so their work in Africa can continue. (yes Microsoftees, you can get the match!)

Greg Urquhart & the families of Karisimbi Business Partners– heroes because their faith and sacrifice is changing lives.  

IJM Investigators & Field Office Staff:

Ok—I have the easy job—I work in headquarters. I recently had the opportunity to spend time with a few IJM investigators and other staff members, who shared stories about what it is like to work on the front lines in the fight against modern-day slavery, sex trafficking and violent oppression of the poor. For security reasons, I cannot tell you much, but I can tell you that they come face-to-face with a kind of evil in their jobs that I hope to never encounter. They are courageous—putting their lives on the line to rescue children, women and men from unimaginably dark places. They are tenacious—they sit for days at a time in police stations and government offices when required and fight legal battles that sometimes go on for years because they won’t settle for anything less than justice for individuals whose freedom was stolen from them.

IJM Investigators and field office team members–heroes to me because they persist and risk their lives for some of the world’s most vulnerable people.

Judy Blythe:

Judy is my mom. Ok…cliché at first blush, but check out this story.  She made being a single parent with three toddlers look easy. It wasn’t, but I wouldn’t have known because she loved us well and sacrificed greatly for us. No matter how tough it might have been, she never let us see her sadness or struggles. Each morning while she got ready for work, she managed to make us breakfast and pack our lunches for school (and I was one of the only kids in 12^th grade that still had a packed lunch!) She got us off to school and then headed to work. After school, she was ALWAYS cheering on the sideline of our field hockey, softball, and lacrosse games…swim meets, bowling league, band concerts, hand-bell choir practice at church…you name it, she was there.  But her day wasn’t over then—she made us an awesome dinner, got us ready for bed and kissed us goodnight. That was when she prepped her lesson plans for her students at the nursery school—that is, IF she wasn’t singing to one of us after a nightmare or sitting by my bedside when one of my migraines hit. There wasn’t time for dating or much else—it was all about her girls. And she always told us we could do anything—be anything we set our minds to. Later, she ended up getting a second job to make sure we were well provided for. And to top it off, she always got along famously with my dad and encouraged us to have nothing but a positive relationship with him, despite their divorce.

My mom–a hero because she gave so much of herself for her girls and because she is a reminder that all of us have opportunities to love well in our lives each day…right where we are.

Margo Day:

I met Margo at Microsoft—she is an executive there. Margo is involved in many noteworthy philanthropic efforts, but I’m most moved by her recent imitative (in partnership with World Vision and other in the northwest) to build a secondary school in the Marich Pass area of northern Kenya.  This project was inspired by her visit to Kenya, where she met a group of 35 young girls who had fled their homes in order to avoid early marriage and Female Genital Mutilation. Margo’s project is designed to (a) build the secondary school and dormitory facilities and (b) provide a secondary education for the 35 girls in the Morphus Rescue Center (providing full tuition, uniforms, books, school supplies for these girls). The girls in the center range from 9-13 yrs old and will receive  a secondary-level education that will help empower their future. The school will serve the broader community as well, and up to 160 girls during any given school year, once fully up and functional. I’ll post more information here when the Facebook page for Margo’s project goes live. But how cool is that? She lives in Seattle and is using her resources to help children on the other side of the world!

Margo Day. A hero to me because she loves without boundaries and makes me think of Luke 12:48.

In closing…

These people inspire me—they are just examples of the many amazing people I have met so far on this journey of life—people that remind me about the kind of person I want to be. Thinking about them brings a smile to my face, but also makes me wonder “Whose hero am I?” Quite convicting—it’s time for me to get to work. Who are you a hero to?

• “Grocery store is insane—had to hide in the diaper isle again.”
• “Broke into Jim’s house with Kirk—good times.”
• “Got promoted to VP of Global Communications for IJM—pls pray 4 wisdom in leadership.”
• “Great trip to Charleston to visit w/my sisters, nephews, brother IL, dad and stepmom.”
• “TYPICAL–locked keys in the car @ a gas station somewhere in NC–thankful for the nice gas station lady & customer guy who helped me.”
• “Looked in the closet, under the bed and in my car, but still can’t find my husband. J/K—not really looking.”
• “Great to have Jamie in town for work for a few days–sisters are fun roommates.”
• “My awesome team at IJM wants me to blog about them—does this count?”
• “Fun walk with my dad—lovely conversation.”
• “Question that made me LOL this month—Are you THIS Christian when you meet guys?”
• “Visit from Mom—lots of quality time, laughs and good conversation.”
• “Haven’t found a church to call home yet—grateful for www.marshillchurch.org online and www.seacoastchurch.org online in the meantime.”
• “Tried to make another home-cooked meal—disaster. Takeout Thai now on speed dial.”
• “INSPIRED: IJM’s annual Global Prayer Gathering to pray for our investigators/field staff, casework and clients www.ijm.org/gpgonline”
• “Something died in my refrigerator and I’m afraid to go in there, so I’m just not using it right now (probably the Thai)”
• “Excited that my Microsoft friends will be in town for WPC in July!”
• “My beloved friend and boss, Pamela, is engaged! YAY!”
• “3 months later–still haven’t unpacked all of my boxes yet—though I dread it, I think it’s about time.”
• “I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. WHAT’S UP W/ALL THE POTHOLES IN DC?”
• “So thankful that God is good—even when I’m being a brat.”
• “Next blog = everyday heroes that I’m proud to know…guaranteed to inspire you.”

Like anyone, I’ve got a lot going on in my heart. I’m not one-dimensional. So I’m not going to blog one-dimensionally. Right now, my life is a nice mix of superficial worries, funny stories, painful struggles, uplifting moments and inspiring revelations. So here is a glimpse of each of those parts of “me” from the last 67 days:

33 going on 50? I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but I am suddenly aware of the fact that I now PAY ATTENTION  to the commercials I used to ignore—specifically for all of those age-defying products. Maybe it started after I discovered 3 grey hairs on my 33rd birthday. Whatever the reason, I am very interested in things like “elasticity” and “firmness”, and even found myself insisting at the MAC counter that my next eye cream purchase must have special ingredients to address the fact that my delicate under-eye skin doesn’t bounce back in place as easily as it used to. The latest age-robbing drama unfolded when my sister pointed out that I appear to have some bald spots in the back of my head (“Oh great, I’m single and balding now!”).  I remembered losing clumps of hair every night during my first 2 months in DC (likely stress), but didn’t realize I had lost so much (Who looks at the back of their own head?) While blood work showed I do have some issues requiring attention, it appears that I’m (thankfully) clear of any life-threatening illnesses. So hopefully my hair will grow back soon and in the meantime, I’ve learned to cover the holes. But it has been humbling—I’m more aware that our looks will fade but we all have an opportunity to leave a legacy that will last forever. I’m not sure if it was that realization, Kelly’s recent encouragement to share my stories, or my own reflections on how precious life is after the recent death of an extended family member at age 36 who left a month-old baby behind…but living a life that matters is back in the forefront of my heart. So that motivated me to dust off the book that I started but haven’t touched for a few years. It is an unabashed look at the flashpoints that led me from faithless to faithful, and records of some of the most powerful and life-changing moments in my journey. I have no idea who it is for, but I’m going to keep writing.

Pulling “An Amy”:  I’m often asked if I’m making new friends here in DC. Not much to report here yet outside of my amazing colleagues, although I’m stoked that I’ve been able to re-connect with my childhood best friend, Melanie, who lives in NJ. But I was looking forward to the Super Bowl party that my friend Adam invited me to as an opportunity to make new friends. I had the outfit planned and was telling my friend Marisa how much I was looking forward to meeting new people at the party when she interrupted me and said “Amy—TODAY was Superbowl Sunday. You missed the party!” (Ooops. I thought it was next week) It never fails—each month has at least one story like this. I can only laugh at this side of myself.

“Fake it until you make it”:  Ah…one of my favorite clichés.  I’ve got this very deep wound that I know will eventually heal someday (but with a scar, perhaps as a reminder of what I’ve learned). But the Lord is gently showing me that He is close while I struggle privately, and He is patiently teaching me how to invite Jesus into that place. I never totally understood the whole “personal relationship with Jesus” thing, but I’m starting to get it. And it is AMAZING. While I have days where I feel that I’m making no progress (and even regressing), I am confident I am growing because the terrorizing nightmares have been back in full force since early February—something that always happens when I am reaching new closeness or breakthrough with the Lord. But what is really cool is that no matter how violent or scary the enemy’s nightmare is, Jesus always (in response to a request I made of Him a few years ago) somehow reminds me to call out his name during the dream—and then He wakes me up. I often hear myself calling out his name as I awaken. It’s hard to explain but is another sweet example of His presence, and it almost makes the nightmares worth it.

Chef Lucia’s Big Debut:  I am overwhelmed by how much joy has come with living on a budget. So many people in my life are living in far more humble conditions than me, so if I can’t make this new budget work, shame on me. I don’t miss being able to spend money whenever I want. I am realizing I have everything I need and am enjoying living a more simple life. The only challenge in this department is the food budget—it is pretty much impossible to stick to my daily food budget unless I cook. Therein lies the problem—as many of you know, I can’t cook to save my life. I once made breakfast for a friend and forgot to put milk in the eggs so had to start the scrambled eggs all over! But I decided that I’ve conquered more difficult learning curves in my life, so set out on a journey to master (or at least become proficient in) the kitchen. I first started with the issue of my inability to make a decent cup of coffee. My community group friends in Seattle used to politely say how “great” my coffee was, but as a coffee drinker, I knew the truth—there was something interfering with my ability to properly interpret the instructions on the coffee bean label. I’ve now mastered the art of successful coffee brewing, and have fallen in love with Dunkin Donuts Vanilla-flavored coffee, which has now replaced the morning latte excursion. I’ve also incorporated new recipes into the mix, which enable me to have leftovers for a few days in a row. Every single time I’ve attempted to make one of those dishes, however, I’ve realized halfway through cooking that I forgot a major ingredient. Realizing that with pots on the stove, I cannot go to the grocery store, I’m left to improvise, which usually doesn’t go so well. So that means I end up with a week’s worth of something ranging from average to terrible. My favorite story was when I forgot the cream of chicken soup for a casserole, so attempted to make my own cream of chicken soup with regular chicken soup and milk. But slowly I am making progress. One night a few weeks ago, I attempted to make a “fancy pants” pasta dish—it took an hour of preparation and almost another hour to bake, but it looked and smelled BEAUTIFUL when it came out of the oven. Too bad I dropped it on the floor. I almost cried as I watched the dish shatter into pieces.  But then I just laughed, picked up the broken pieces and spent the next 30 minutes scrubbing red sauce out of my wool rug while I waited for the pizza man to arrive.

Never lonely:  While I haven’t made many friends here yet, I find it interesting that while I miss those I care about most very much, I never find myself feeling lonely. Part of this may be because I’ve been living life by myself for many years and am used to being alone now. But I know there is more to it—I can feel God watching over me and protecting me as I try so hard (and sometimes not so hard) to embrace the life He has called me to. I’m very thankful for that.

Stretch: I’ve had a few interactions with friends recently where they talked the entire time and didn’t ask me one question about me.  At first I was hurt and a bit annoyed, but then I realized that the shoe has been on the other foot many times. It’s amazing what a revelation like that can do to one’s ability to extend grace. The truth is there have been many encounters recently where I believe the Lord was trying to tell me to focus on loving others vs. worrying about myself. But because I’m a little obstinate, He got creative and literally injected the word “stretch” into a prayer session. Despite my attempt to dismiss it as some random, self-created thought, I remembered that the sermon on Sunday mentioned “stretching” out in love of others. And then later that night, I picked up a book and fell on a chapter about loving and serving others, again using the phrase “stretch”. Intrigued by what I thought might actually be the Lord’s attempt to get my attention, I started praying about this. And He reminded me that there are MANY people in my life that need my prayers and love.  Among that long list is a short list of amazing people that I’m praying fervently for because they don’t yet know the Lord. I was where they are once (and even called the “Amy” of my day a Jesus freak that clearly must have “fallen off his rocker”), and because I love them and want to be with them in heaven, I want them to know what I now know. I realize that their salvation isn’t ultimately up to me, but I’m praying that God will open their minds to pray a “if you are there, please help me find you” prayer because I know they will find Him (Matthew 7:8) and that would make me very happy. Interestingly, the more focus I place on loving, praying for and serving others, the more I feel healing in my own heart and contentment in my own life. Bonus.

Next blog:  Social media and the perfection of surface relationships—silly encounters that have made me go “hmmm”.

I kept telling myself that after the New Year, I’d be through the rocky season of transition and could start “settling in” to my new life on the East Coast. Well that day has arrived. Things have definitely calmed down. For the first time, I feel like I can take a breath and let out a sigh of relief. But I’m suddenly aware that I have two slight problems. The first…brace yourself—I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Ready? Here it is: I’m a little bit of a drama queen (this is where you act surprised!). I’m just going to pause there for a second and let you laugh . Okay—stay with me. My sister asked me this weekend “Why does crazy stuff always happen to you? I leave you for 3 minutes and you have a story about an old man that almost ran you and the kids over in the parking lot and called you a b*tch.” (As always, lying was quickly ruled out as an option; this time because Luca vouched for me) The truth is I don’t know why, but crazy things seems to happen to or around me quite often. So I cannot guarantee there won’t be more drama. But it makes for good blog entertainment if nothing else.

The second problem is that I’m impatient and like to have things my way. When I was little, I’d always ask my dad “what are we going to do next?” He always used to say something like “Amy you should focus on enjoying what we are doing now or you will miss it.”  That tendency to live outside of the moment was further exacerbated by the A.D.D that I’m convinced I developed while at MS—I had an insatiable passion for multi-tasking (ex. answering numerous IMs while typing an email during a conference call while responding to a text message ). And my mom used to always say to me “Your problem is that you can’t take no for an answer.”  I never saw that one as a problem because I believe it fueled my goal-oriented work ethic.

I’ve decided that both my impatience and life as a drama magnet are worth exploring deeper –not in a sit on a couch and dive into the past sort of way, but more in the context of my faith. I’ve invited the Lord to help me learn how to “settle in” to a place of contentment and peace in all circumstances. This should be a fun journey—but hopefully not as “fun” as when I prayed for humility. In the meantime, I thought I’d share answers to the six questions I’m most frequently asked by friends on the topic of “settling in” to my new life:

1. How do you feel about turning 33?

New Years Eve was my birthday (no its not cool to have a birthday on a holiday—it’s overrated and the holiday steals the attention from me which as we all know, poses challenges for me). My sister Jamie calls birthdays like this one “the year of the palindrome” because the numbers read the same way in both directions and she thinks that is cool. I was calling this “the year I turn the age that was so huge for Jesus” until my brother-in-law suggested I consider what Jesus accomplished by 33 vs. what I have accomplished thus far in my life. Good point—I should stay away from that one. Up until my birthday, I wasn’t sure about turning 33–some friends asked me if I’m sad because I am not married with a family yet. (Um not until you mentioned it!) Others say “33 is just a number”, which I tend to agree with. There are actually other numbers of greater significance to me these days. Here are some that are top of mind today:

• 27,000,000—the number of slaves in the world today that need rescue
• 7,642—the number of pot holes I’ve encountered in the VA/DC area. What is up with the crappy roads?
• 3,500 or more—the number of miles between me and some of my closest friends
• 75—the temperature I WISH IT WAS in D.C. right now
• 25—the temperature it ACTUALLY IS in D.C. right now
• 8—the temperature (including wind-chill factor) that I’ve determined is my cutoff for walking oustide. I called a cab to take me 3 blocks the other day and the driver gave me the look of death but I didn’t care.
• 7—the number of pounds I’ve gained since I moved to D.C. and the number of days a week I now work out to rectify that
• 5—the number of errors in my new personal budget spreadsheet (Ipek I need you!)
• 4—the average number of times I hit the snooze button every day (some things never change)
• 0—the % of time I spend wishing I was prepping for MYR right now

Back to my birthday, here are the highlights: The Spiderman party with my nephews in Charleston. Ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins (and my brother-in-law singing “ice cream & cake…ice cream & cake”). Finding my first grey hair (not one but three!)….okay that’s not really a highlight but apparently I need “highlights” now. (by the way..I’m blaming all premature aging on my previous workaholic lifestyle so all you kids out there, take note)

2. Are you happy with your new life?

Everyone wants to know—was it worth it? How am I settling into the radical changes I’ve made in my life? That’s the thing about callings—there is no promise your life will be happy. Callings are about being holy (I have to remind myself of that often because I like to throw pity parties in my honor quite frequently). The answer? I LOVE my new job and the people I work with.  And there are many little blessings every day. As for other things (making friends, building a new life out here and finding joy and peace in all circumstances), I’m working on those one day at a time with God’s help.

3. Do you miss Microsoft?

People can keep trying, but no one will get me to bash Microsoft. I was very fortunate to have had the opportunity to work and lead at what I still believe is one of the top companies in the world.  It was just my time to move on and I’m excited about the kind of work I get to do in this chapter of my life. But I DO miss my friends from Microsoft very much.

Microsoft is still in my DNA though.  Today, we played a game at a work event that required logos of “top” companies be hung around the room. When I saw both the Apple and Google logos hanging from the ceiling, I could literally feel my chest tighten. I became tense, my heart started racing and my competitive (yet compliant with all laws requiring fair competition ) nature kicked in. I was extremely agitated and couldn’t concentrate during the exercise.  My colleagues thought it was pretty comical.

I also have moments of disorientation where I think I am still at Microsoft—I’m convinced that’s what happens when you work more than 42,000 hours at one company (yes I did a rough and quite conservative estimate, factoring the limited vacations I took and excluding any weekend work. My former Business Manager and I also calculated the translation to hourly rate over IM tonight—an exercise I do not recommend because it will depress you). Anyway, my most recent moment of disorientation happened after my movers dropped 68 boxes in my new condo. These boxes were packed by professional packers, so it was sort of like Christmas opening them (the secular Christmas, not the Jesus Christmas. Sorry Kels, although I LOVED your blog).  As I reached into the closet, I found numerous boxes had “MBR” written on the side of them. For a split second, I got confused and wondered if I was supposed to be prepping for my old organization’s monthly review.  Then I realized that in my new life, “MBR” simply stands for “Master Bedroom”. Sigh of relief.  That was pretty comical, but my favorite moment of disorientation happened almost 9 years ago in my apartment outside of Philadelphia. I was hanging curtains and as I stepped back to look at them, I decided I didn’t like the way the swag was draped over the rod. So I thought to myself “just hit UNDO”. Then  I realized that in real life there is no Control+Z.

4. Do you have better work-life balance in your new job?

For almost 11 years, I happily worked ~15 hour days. This was my ritual on most weekdays: Wake up ~7am, do e-mail while getting ready for work (which delayed the entire process of getting ready). Arrive at the office ~9ish (except early meeting days ). Work until about 6pm. Drive home and get back online around 7pm—eat dinner while working. Work at the kitchen table until around 9pm and then take the laptop up to bed. Work with laptop in bed until I fall asleep and/or midnight, whichever came first.  That wasn’t Microsoft’s fault—I just was addicted to my job and didn’t really understand the concept of rest. I promised myself that I’d get a fresh start in my new job and I can happily say I work something that resembles a 40 hour work week now—and I still get a lot done. YAY!

5. Do you have a boyfriend yet?

Yes actually. We met about an hour ago, totally hit it off, my friends and family already signed off…and I’m hitting “post” on this blog from the airport in Vegas, where we’re about to tie the knot. PULEESE. I just moved here, people!!! Besides, I’m trying to get comfortable with the fact that God may have called me to singleness. But of course, I’m still holding out for what I call “MY Tom Cruise” (not to be confused with THE Tom Cruise..the two are quite different). We’ll see.

6. What can we be praying for?

Prayers of thanks for the many ways God has shown up in my life and in this new adventure. Also, there are a handful of people in my life that are dealing with very serious issues of the personal and medical nature. There situations are heavy on my heart so I ask that you would pray general prayers for healing of hearts, souls and bodies for those 5 people. God knows who they are and I know He loves them dearly.

That’s all for now–I’ll meet you all again here soon! Thanks for checking in!

My Rescue

Like many women reliving their childhood dreams, I want be rescued from time-to-time. Actually that’s a lie–I always want to be rescued. After all, I’m 32 and do pretty much everything on my own.  So naturally, I want someone to show up in my life and save me from all of the junk I hate..like times of loneliness and struggle or even more horrible things like balancing the checkbook/paying the bills, doing anything that requires being organized and carrying heavy things. For #1, I know that rescue only comes from the Lord, and as I grow in my faith I continue to be more at peace with that. The second set of things requires human intervention–so I’m usually S.O.L. But not this time. In an unexpected turn of events, my father called me and told me he was coming to see me in DC. Knowing all of my things were in Seattle, he asked me what I needed. I told him it would be easier to tell him what I HAVE. “I have plastic silverware, plastic cups, sheets, a plunger (random I know but it was on the promotional end-cap and I always like to support the fellow marketers that go out of their way to win the impulse purchase) and towels.” I essentially had no pot to cook in, nothing to cook and nothing to clean with, but I did have my “super duper” (thats a Michelle Todd-ism) nice (NOT) furniture I rented. So my dad made the trek down to DC from Philadelphia and rescued me. He picked me up from work, met my colleagues and took me to a nice dinner. Then he took me to Bed, Bath and Beyond and helped me get the necessities (while carefully evaulating what would be cheaper at Costco or Target given I am on the new budget now ) When we got back to my apartment, he surprised me with bags of stuff that he brought from home–a pot (love that removable strainer, Dad!), plates and glasses, a George Forman Grill and tons of other cool things. We then sat up and talked while he made his homemade meatballs and sauce so I could freeze it and have home-cooked meals whenever I want! He also took me to Costco (and got me me a membership!) and Target, assembled my special cart and the “as seen on TV” stick vaccuum I bought. And by the way, it was raining all weekend so he held the umbrella over me and made me wait inside the stores while he picked up the car. I know this is something all of you would do for someone you love so you may not think this is a big deal–but when you do everything by yourself all the time, you really come to appreciate even small doses of generosity like that. After my dad left, I realized it was the first time I felt truly settled in DC. Thanks Dad!

My Recovery

I also visited my sister Jamie, her husband and their 3 boys in Charleston for a weekend. I call this time period my recovery because I can’t think of anything more theraputic after times of stress than 1.) hanging with people I love 2.) being hugged (you never know what you are missing until you realize it has been weeks since you’ve been touched by someone) and 3.) being woken up to the sound of one of the cutest kids in the world saying “Aunt Amy–wake up and play with me!”.  The weather was great in Charleston and we all had a great time. Perhaps the most fun was sending Jamie and Jeff on a date while I had a “Lightening Party” (name chosen by Luca) with the boys. It started with us going to the store to buy all the “super fun” things we needed to have our party (like Halloween headbands picked out by Luca and Halloween cupcakes chosen by Matteo), and followed with dinner on special (Matteo-chosen) Spongebob plates, pumpkin decorating, streamer making, dancing and the evening favorite—tons of balloons all over the house which erupted into a 3-hour long indoor soccer game. I LOVE THOSE KIDS!

My Reunion

It turns out I needed to go to benefit dinners for work in LA and San Francisco, so I wrapped a trip to Seattle on the front-end. I was soooo excited to see all my friends (who came over for a happy hour that turned into a late-night shindig + a sleep over party with the fabulous Marisa!). I also was excited to sleep in my own bed—by the way–I LOVE that bed..it took me 2 years to perfect that bed’s level of softness (recipe=pillow top mattress+ featherbed but not with feathers+ plush mattress pad + high thread-count sheets + the right coverlet and duvet on top to make you feel snuggled in) and after sleeping on my rented mattress for a month in DC (did I tell you that to “protect” myself from all things rented, I wrapped it in a plastic shower curtain? It krinkles every time I roll over but I’m convinced it is stopping me from “renting” anything that doesn’t belong to me), I was so happy to be in my own bed. And just generally, being back in Seattle was great. I got to drive my car, visit my neighbor and meet her new baby, see the beautiful mountains, hang out with my friend Kelly, see my beloved friends from Microsoft including my former Business Manager, Michael..whose skills and “kinda funny” sense of humor I miss greatly in my new job. (Frannie I will upgrade you to “funny” if you stop saying that the only reason I miss you is because I don’t have anyone to be my “b_tch” anymore..it’s only partically true ) I also got to see my sister Kim when I was in San Francisco for work. Even though our schedules didn’t permit much time together, she still made the 1.5 hour drive to come see me. We ate dinner, watched movies and hung out in my hotel…followed by a great breakfast and a nice conversation while she drove 45 minutes out of her way to take me to the airport.

Looking Up

In addition to circumstances looking up, I mentioned a great sermon I heard in Charleston that reminded me of the importance of “looking up” to the Lord in all circumstances . It was called “The Death of a Spirit-Filled Man” –was actually a pretty heavy message discussing scripture from the book of Acts. The pastor opened up by talking about a missionary that had been martyred in the Belgian Congo. His sermon had three basic principles:

1. Spirit-filled people can find peace when others are in turmoil
2. Spirit-filled people can see things that other people can’t
3. Spirit-filled people see death differently than others do

I don’t want to give it all way to those who may decide to listen in, so I’ll just leave it at this. It made me think about what, if I died today, my life would have stood for. (it also made me think about how I always thought I was going to die before I turned 30 and how no one wanted to ride in the car with me when we were out celebrating the night before LOL..but I’m getting off track here…) Seriously, it made me think about why I embraced God’s call to DC–because I want to live a life that matters. So it made me wonder how much TRUE “looking up” I’m doing vs. looking down and around. Would I pass the test for being a “Spirit Filled” person? I’ve spent a lot of time looking around at my circumstances or hanging my head down because things weren’t going my way. I’ve acknowledged God’s presence throughout those times, but am I really seeing Jesus in all circumstances, knowing that THAT perspective changes everything? Have I REALLY sought and embraced God’s plan for my life? Have I served with the purpose of becoming holy vs. worrying so much about being happy? He has never let me down, so it was just a good reminder to keep focused on Him and His joy in all aspects of my life.

P.S. My blogs will always be a mix of light-hearted humor and serious stuff. I don’t believe in surface relationships so am assuming that all of you that are still following my blog , you are my real friends so can handle walking with me through drama, joy and even a little Jesus talk, regardless of what you believe. Thanks for walking with me.

P.S.S. I sold my house and the builder accepted my offer on a new one out here in DC. YAY! Thank you Lord!!!